Just when you think the past week couldn’t bring any more, well it does! This week it came in droves, honestly I had a fall out with a best friend, started my hormone treatment, my friends dad had a heart attack this morning, I had a fight with my boyfriend due to my newly found Insomnia causing extreme exhaustion and then to top it all off today my little sister (well she is 19) proceeds to tell me she is pregnant!
Holy crap! How can this be? I was in complete shock, I didn’t even realise she was trying. When I asked she said that they weren’t really trying not to have a baby but if it happened it happened. And well it did. Wow I just had no idea. She is really early, 4 weeks and 2 days so can’t get to ahead of ourselves at this stage but seriously my god my emotions ran wild.
Not sure that my feelings about it all are fair, and not that I expressed these thoughts to my sister, all I told her is what she needed to hear (and of course I meant it) but I left out all the bits like “fuck you universe this just isn’t fair” and “what did I do so wrong that all my sisters younger than me have now had or having babies before me?” and “this just isn’t fair!” my inner turmoil consumes me for the afternoon until I have time to process my thoughts and look at it all that bit more reasonably than my initial feelings and reaction.
I love my sisters I really do, the three of them are my best friends. And I absolutely love all my nieces too, but as every woman suffering from PCOS or more generally infertility, seeing other woman and those closest to you representing everything you dream of can be extremely confronting, challenging and somewhat painful.
So today was another day of challenges, but another day to grow stronger and more determined than ever to get this baby making business on track! I seriously am now counting on a positive scan Friday to just get me through the week….