Friday was my last day at work, after 6 years in a high power high stress job and it has now all come to a close. I had a farewell party, everyone kept asking “so where are you going now?” “what are you going to do with yourself”?” “what’s your plans?” “are you staying in town?” “are you pregnant?!?” Honestly these are the hardest questions to answer when you don’t feel comfortable telling everybody exactly what’s happening in your life. I have been fairly open with those closest to me with what’s happening, I am not ashamed of being infertile, having PCOS doesn’t define me, it is just a part of who I am and it means I am going to face some extra challenges I once didn’t count on. But I wasn’t ready to shout from the roof tops to a room of 40 + colleagues “soon to be ex colleagues” that “hey guess what? I don’t have a job to go to, I am taking some time out, no I am not pregnant but hey yes I want to be and I had to quit my job to help me do that because I’m infertile and doing IVF!” I don’t think that statement would go down to well and a sure way to stop a crowd from having a good time. So instead my standard response became “I just need to take some time for me, refocus my priorities and after the new year will make some more permanent decisions about the next step, but for now I am going to enjoy my own time and being a lady of leisure”. Now don’t you think that sounds a little more palatable? I had women in envy and so many wishing there husbands would support them and allow them to quit work and be at home. If only they realised what the truth of the situation really was.
So today is my first official day of being unemployed, I still woke at 5.32am just like normal but realised very quickly that I need to start making new routines for myself to keep my time occupied until we have some more definitive answers about what our next steps are in this IVF / IVM process. So I got up and thought, right I am going to make my boyfriend a packed lunch so he can walk out the door feeling ready for work, so that’s what I did. At the same time had the kettle boiling in the back ground for my cup of tea, now this is a big step. I am a caffeine addict and I am accustom to each morning on the way to work going through my local drive through coffee place and ordering a ‘tall soy cuppachino with 1 sugar’. Now instead I need to start removing myself from the love addiction I have to my morning ritual and create new ones, so here I go, downgrading to a black tea with half sugar. It was ok, hasn’t really done it for me but has helped curb my regular caffeine craving.
It was then I realised I probably need to start playing a bit more of a role as being a “domestic goddess”, so beds are stripped and first load on! Banking done, blog updating in process, and shortly I am about to concur my biggest fear and that is to get my butt back to the gym. Yes I am going to the gym and I am very hesitant. But this whole decision to leave my job was to start making time for me and to balance my lifestyle so I can take comfort in knowing that I gave this IVF / IVM process my everything. So I am doing it, even if I have to drag myself there the whole way, I will be going.
This Thursday is our follow up appointment with our fertility specialists. After being poked and prodded for the last 4 – 6 weeks we are now able to go back and get the results and see if we can really get this show on the road. The road of infertility has taught me so much about myself already, one of these it that I have learnt to be more patient than I have ever been. Nothing happens quickly when you are TTC.