The Waiting Game

It really isn’t because I have been forgetful, more that I just haven’t had anything exciting to write about as you tend to be in a holding pattern between cycles and I don’t want to bore you with writing about non related jargon. I keep my twitter updated in between with ridiculous little comments that enter my head randomly however to write a post on my blog; well I tend to like it to be a little more inspiring and to share my story really.

So here I am, currently on Estrogen 2mg x 3 times per day and I go for my first lining scan tomorrow afternoon hoping to see nothing except a fantastic 10mm lining! Wishful thinking but that’s what I am hoping for. Being that this is a FET cycle (with our last little egg mind you), we have a bit of flexibility with the transfer date. I didn’t quite intend for it to come about on this day, but we have it scheduled for Friday the 13th!! Eek. I am going to maintain that this day brings good luck and is not in any way connected with the normal superstitious thoughts that only bad things happen on this day.

Actually I am really grateful this cycle, I fly to Perth for the transfer and shortly after I fly to Brisbane to go and visit my sister and my new niece! What a perfect way to spend the 2WW, with family and babies. It can only bring positive energies and thoughts right. I am continuing to believe this is it, after the retrieval, to start with 22 and end up with just 1 egg I am praying that it was for a really good reason./ This egg was the strongest of the bunch and we didn’t need any more than what we have.

I continue to battle with my weight, up and down between 65 – 70kg like a yo-yo. I think it is a combination of the hormones, my excessive appetite for anything sweet and my non existent willpower to stay clear of carbohydrates, chocolate and all things bad for me. Every Monday I start a new diet which by Thursday I have completely screwed and then continue to eat crap over the weekend, followed by another pledge to eat well come Monday again. Classic response for a women and even more indicative of a women with PCOS! I know, I am only cheating myself and my success, this will continue to be my downfall unless some god damn miracle happens and can get inside my complicated emotional mess in my head.

What else….. I am beginning to feel the pinch of being in my 30’s. Turning 30 now doesn’t seem as bad as the idea of turning 30 something!! The idea of turning 30 something whilst still trying to conceive miracle baby number 1 is actually terrifying. Then you start thinking, well hell I actually want a miracle baby number 2 as well so what number in the 30 something category am I going to be when that happens?!? If it happens. See all this time waiting around in a holding pattern whilst trying to conceive is mentally dangerous and shouldn’t be allowed. Having these month long breaks in between active cycles gives your head way too much time and scope to think about things that really you wish you never had to think about. I have spent countless days googling and scrolling through posts on Pinterest for new hobby ideas to try and find myself some inspiration to preoccupy my time with something more productive than TTC thoughts all the time. I seem to be going around in circles with that too at the moment as once I go “oh that’s a great idea”, or “wow that’s amazing I want to do that”; then I actually start googling the supplies to do it, work out the cost involved, how long its going to take for delivery and then I completely turn myself off the idea and move onto the next because it all just didn’t feel that worth it. Wow, yep I am losing it aren’t I?!?

So, once I have another more interesting update to share I will definitely do so. Cross your fingers and toes for me that baby dust comes my way in June and that the 13th is a blessing and not a sign of bad luck. xxx


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